Do two negatives REALLY make a positive?

I saw today where someone posted "If two wrongs don't make a right, then how come two negatives make a positive?" In math and science, this may be true, but - when it comes to people - I can promise you only one thing:

If you put two negative people together for any length of time, I am POSITIVE the outcome will be negative!

We know that snap judgments are bad for the world at large, but people rarely discuss how destructive being judgmental is for the person who is doing it. Women are the WORST at this! No joke, being judgmental of other women causes us to live in hateful chaos, and we have to consciously rise above it if we ever hope to live peacefully in our bodies.

Just to be clear: I don’t think you should judge anyone. But women tend to judge other women the harshest, and our bodies, outfits, and appearances get hit the most consistently and aggressively, because they’re easily accessible. I know some people call this on-going judgment of other women a “guilty pleasure,” because it gives you a private little hit of satisfaction. When you sum up another woman in a split second, and find something wrong with her, you get to enjoy a momentary jolt of superiority.

The problem is that every time you look at another woman and find something wrong with her based on her body, looks, or anything else, you reinforce for yourself the idea that there is a universal “right” and “wrong” way for a woman to have a body, look, live, act, dress, or otherwise. You solidify imaginary rules in your mind for what is “acceptable” and and what is “unacceptable.” You may momentarily feel superior, but when repeated over and over again in countless scenarios for a lifetime, you will also eventually feel very alone, isolated, and anxious. Being hyper-aware of the countless (self-imposed) ways in which you could fail at being a woman encourages you to take fewer risks, keep your true self better hidden, trust fewer people, and constantly guard yourself against the endless imminent threats of how you could be “doing it wrong.”

Not only does your habit of judging other women shrink your life down into an ongoing list of do’s and don’ts, but keeping company with that nasty little voice in your head 24/7 makes you, understandably, kind of paranoid and defensive.

It’s like how you always end up feeling really crappy about yourself after you spend time with that one friend who gossips about all your other friends. She might claim you’re exempt from her mean gossip, but you can’t help but wonder what she says about you when you’re not there. This endless, cluttered, negative ocean of fear and judgment clouds your mind and poisons your heart. It make you feel insecure, stressed, unhappy, anxious, paranoid, obsessive, and completely unable to let go and be present. With that as your baseline, it becomes near impossible to look at yourself, or your body, and say “Yup, this is perfect.”

The remedy?

Walk (no, RUN!) away from the negative influences in your life. It's easy to say that we may be able to "help them be more positive" if we keep hold of our own positive outlook and views on things. And it probably is possible, in small doses. The reality though is that most chronically negative people pretty much enjoy right where they are. Walk away from these and surround yourself with folks who "get" you. It doesn't mean they agree with your every thought. They may not get behind all of your big ideas, and they may even find it necessary to tell you why at times. The difference is they do it all in love. There is no question that they have YOU and YOUR best interests at heart with every word, every action.

Those people are harder to find than the negative ones, but they're out there. Find them, surround yourself with them, and love them right back. 

Two positives ALWAYS create a positive! 

A Letter to the Me on January 1st, 2017

Hey you there, Staci!

You are about to enter 2017 without a lot of new expectations. Sure, you know the business is about to expand; with that comes a bit of trepidation and second-guessing. Are the two of you making sound financial decisions? Is this time to follow your "gut decision" and go for it all in this dream of a one-stop shop for B&B and venue connection?

And deep down - because you've both prayed about it and discussed the pros and the cons endlessly, time and time again out on the back deck, in the mornings over coffee, in the late night hours when you both couldn't sleep...you know the decision is the right one. You feel good about it. Excited, even.  So, this decision at least is made.

2017 will conceive a multi-purpose event venue - and will come to be named "The Hitchin' Post" - along with two storage containers that will be turned into tiny cabins and placed in the woods on the B&B property. By the first of the following year the B&B will have more than doubled in size. With lots of prayer - and Lord knows lots of hard work - hopefully the B&B business will have more than doubled as well.

The three kids are doing great. The end of the year with all of them and their families and the grands all together at the Ranch is always your very favorite time of year. It usually lasts only 36-48 hours before other commitments or duties call them in different directions, but that is enough. Having them under one roof for those few meals, gathered around the same table, hearing their laughter, appreciating their differences, admiring their various talents and how many life values they share, and yet how their lives are vastly different from one another.

I've made a lot of mistakes in my lifetime. I've make a lot of mistakes as a mother. But one thing I am intensely proud of is that I have no expectations of my children except that they follow their heart. I can say that with ease because they were raised to put God first. That does not mean that what I feel should be first for them is what IS first. That would be selfish. That would mean I think they should be a clone of me. God knows there doesn't need to be another of me. It means they were raised to value a relationship with God that is uniquely personal to them. It is between them and their Creator. I gave them back to Him at their dedication service. I am not a mom to try to take them back and make them into what I think they should be. I have more trust and faith in them than that.

To see them with their growing families, raising children, traveling, seeing the world, giving back in various ways, living a Christian life and modeling that for others in ways I was never taught kind of rocks me back on my heels and I just give thanks that these incredible humans are our grown children. And these amazing little people they are raising so magnificently - they are our grands. And GRAND, they ARE!

Moving on to your work life - your day job, if you will. It is still your calling, and you are still in love with it. You can't see yourself anywhere else until the day you choose to leave to run the B&B full time. Little do you know that in just a few short months, something far beyond your control and your understanding will uproot you and you WILL make a change. It will not only shock those around you, but it will shock you as well.

When that time comes, others will want to know why. You'll wonder why as well. Why give up an 8 minute door-to-door commute for a 30 minute one to another district? Why leave a team you love for one that you don't even know? How in the world can you leave your students, kids who - for many of them - might as well be your own? How can you "abandon" them? Will they feel that way? How can you prevent that?

How can you explain that you accepted the interview after first turning it down because something deep inside of you - the part of you that you know better than to ignore - urged you to say yes; what did you have to lose just by going in to chat? How do you explain that when you walked across the threshold there was that feeling, the one that only comes along a handful of times in your life. Those God-moments, when the conversation is effortless, when no one is trying to impress, when the principal is not trying to woo you, and you are not trying to impress him. It will be a simple, honest conversation, but one that will change everything.

For months and months I had no good answer when folks would ask why I had changed districts. It wasn't the past admin. Not at all. It certainly wasn't my coworkers. In fact, I worried that I might be losing some people that I had come to care for very, very much. In time, what I would come to realize is that my Amy, my Neesa, my Donna, and my Kathy, and all the many more would continue to be a part of my life. I had not left them.

I had simply been moved.

For a while, I was shallow enough to think I had been moved because my teaching talents were needed in this new place. I fell instantly in love with my new environment, with my students, my admin, my team. As always, I had a blast preparing for the new school year, drawing up lesson plans, decorating my room, meeting everyone and putting names to faces.

And then - during the second nine weeks I hit a wall and I had a total epiphany.

I wasn't there for anyone else.

I was there because there were people there FOR ME. I would go through something deeply personal, deeply profound, something that rocked me like I had never been rocked before. It would have nothing to do with my marriage, with my teaching career, or with our kids or business.  But it put me in a place of vulnerability that I had never felt. Things from my past pelted me right and left. "Lost" moments that I had evidently blocked out suddenly became vivid memories.  I was used to being able to "cover my emotions," or hide my feelings, wearing a mask to cover any imperfections. This time I would not be able to do that.

I cracked and my new team drew me in. They quite literally encircled me, prayed for me, and allowed me to ugly cry in front of them. Betsy, Telly, and Haylie are my angels. They are three of the most encouraging, godly, FUNNY women I have ever known and I cannot imagine having the breakdown I did at work with anyone but them.

With their encouragement, and after hearing my story, I felt empowered to reach out to three more women. Women who should have been on my go-to list decades ago. This whole lesson has taught me that I am not invincible; I cannot do all things on my own. I don't have to appear perfect, In fact, there's a HUGE degree of relief in admitting, "Hey, I do not have my shizzle together. This happened to me and - quite frankly - it messed me up." Never having had a sister myself, I turned to the next best thing, my sisters-in-law - Kay, Malinda, and Robyn. Once again, that sisterhood of of rallying - almost like circling the wagons to protect the settlers...

By the way, it's now almost the end of the calendar year, and your husband is immensely grateful that you've finally turned to female confidantes. The business, by the way, has more than doubled during the course of the year. You're not quite going to make your end of the year deadline, but you're going to be very close. Already you have four weddings on the 2018 B&B calendar, and the cabins have about an 85% consistent booking rate. Sharing this passion for this hospitality business has brought you even closer as a couple.

You wouldn't have thought so a month ago, but you're leaving 2017 healthier than you entered it. Spiritually, emotionally, with your marriage, your family, your job, and your business...

Girl, you are going to go into this 50th year of your life dancing because you know what is important in this life...

Rustic Chic Dream Wedding Giveaway

On August 1st, I paired with many of the #girlbosses I had featured over the past several months and we launched a very exciting contest!

A dream wedding giveaway for some lucky couple!

We have only a few weeks left in the contest and I can hardly wait to find out who the big winners are!

Here are the players:

Barbie Hamilton. Barbie is the owner of Truly Heavenly Events and is already anticipating working with the lucky bride to help orchestrate her perfect day. Barbie and I raised our kids together and I've seen her talents flourish over the years in a HUGE way!! Her talents are multi-dimensional, and she is a dream to work with!

Savannah Abbott. Savannah is the creator of Ezra & Olive, a paper and post company. I was in a few college classes with Savannah and we both ended up teaching high school. I've always been drawn to her quiet grace and her style. Oh y'all...her style! She is a lot like me in that her calling is teaching but she found passion elsewhere, and her impeccable style carries over into her business. She will be designing one-of-a-kind invitations for the winning couple. Invitations which will help set the tone for the big day.

Mary Cyrus. I first met Mary when she and her husband, Opie, stayed here at the B&B a couple of years ago. We hit it off instantly and have stayed in touch. A woman of MANY talents, Mary is an amateur aerialist, a musician, and an avid gardener. She is also a talented photographer and one of her specialties is working with brides and grooms to capture their dream day in a classic yet unique way that will last the couple a lifetime! Our winners will LOVE working with Mary Cyrus Photography!

Elizabeth McClure. Liz is SO super close to my heart. She is a hairista of the highest degree! Not only will the bride feel ultra special as she sits in Liz's chair for her hair and makup, but she has a heart as big as Texas and a smile that lights up a room. She's one of those rare people in this world that listens...truly listens to what others say, and she cares about what they do. I can only say that the winner of this contest is going to get the royal treatment by Liz!

Cheryl Vaughan. Cheryl is my BFF. We're Lifers, friends through thick and thin (literally :), good and bad, exciting and ordinary. Cheryl is a highly talented cake decorator and has created so many wedding cakes over the years that we've all lost count. Not only do her cakes LOOK dreamy, but they taste even BETTER! Once you've tasted a cake by Cheryl, there is just no going back to regular cake. I'm pretty sure that's why I'm a pie person these days!

Kaitlyn Milby. Kaitlyn is another one of my college friends. We spent many a hour in the Hall of Languages at TAMU-Commerce! I feel as though I've watched Kaitlyn grow up...from a college girl who lost her roommate and best friend in a tragic accident, to marrying her high school sweetheart, to starting her teaching career, to giving birth to two handsome little loves, all the way to today...a dedicated fitness coach. Kait understands the needs of busy moms of all ages and she is committed to changing lives one at a time. Kait will provide the fortunate bride and her entourage with an online bridal boot camp and nutritional guide leading up to the big day!

Jennifer Gross. Jen and I go waaaaay back too, in all of the BEST possible ways! For as long as I've known her, she's had a special knack of taking any space and making it speak volumes in personality! She now runs her own company, 3130 home and - as much as I adore Chip and JoJo - Jen is my fave!! A couple of years ago, after trying in vain to decorate our home office, Jen came in and - in one weekend- totally transformed the space. It became functional AND beautiful! It is still one of our favorite rooms in the house! Jen will be preparing the spaces where the bride and her party will be getting ready, as well as the room that will be reserved for all of the guys! But her job won't end there...she is also transforming The Cowboy into a fantasy honeymoon suite for our special winners for their wedding night!

Holly Hargrove & Kristen Hargrove. These two lovelies are true fashionistas! They have their finger on the pulse of fashion combined with functionality. Together, they make up Tenly Grove, a women's online and pop up shop devoted to the needs of the modern woman. They will be equipping our bride with a couple of special honeymoon "looks" for this special time in her life! Believe me, this bride is going to feel pampered from head to foot!

If you are a soon-to-be-bride and you've not yet entered the contest, you still have time. Click on the following link and send us YOUR special love story!

Until next time....

Staci

Rustic Chic Dream Wedding Giveaway

#girlboss Summer Edition: Part FIVE

 I'm so super excited to introduce you to Mary Cyrus, my 5th #girlboss of this summer edition! She lives with her hubby, Opie, in the DFW Metroplex and is an amazing photographer!

I first met Mary a while back when they were guests at the B&B. Having bought some land not too far from us, they were looking for a place to stay while they explored the area and did a little planning on their future. We instantly hit it off and have been great friends since.We love it when they stay with us as they clear their road and prepare to build their future dream home!

There are SO many bits of trivia I'd like to add about Mary. Just a few of these are that she is a musician and a great fiddle player, she is (her words) an amateur aerialist, and an avid gardener! Let me pause for a moment on the aerialist tidbit. Take a look at THIS and see if it does not impress!!

She and Opie are parents to two ah-mazing Great Danes, Thor and Gus! This is another area where we are totally sympatico because I love my two pupper dogs (I stole that term from Mary:) just as fiercely as Mary loves her two!

Mary is a very talented photographer and is having fun growing her business. She is one of the vendors who have come on board with our Rustic Chic Dream Wedding Giveaway, and will be the photographer working with the lucky couple on their wedding photography. Check out her website, and follow her on Facebook and Instagram @marycyrusphotography! Do it now; you definitely want to meet Mary!

#Girlboss Summer Edition: Part THREE

It gives me SUCH a special thrill today to announce my #girlboss(es) for this edition!! They are two of the most beautiful young women you'll EVER meet!!! I've known them since they were just emerging from their teens and...that's been...not lately. I'll let it go at that, so that it doesn't make me sound like TOO much of a dinosaur!

These two are gorgeous on the outside, but positively stunning on the inside! They are Holly and Kristen, moms to three absolutely ADORABLE little boys who, together, make up Tenly Grove - their brand new online clothing shop! 

They started their business as a way to provide cute, comfortable, affordable styles to ladies, like them, who want an effortless way to be comfy AND fabulous. As they say, "As busy women we have found it difficult in the past to find these type of clothes affordable and accessible. We hope to empower women with confidence and make them feel amazing in our clothing!"

I recently made my first Tenly Grove purchase - a darling white and black striped midi dress - and I'm pretty much obsessed with it! I wore it a couple of days ago and received three compliments just while I was out running errands - including the carhop at Sonic! I would say they are living up to their mission because it was amazing to feel very "put together" wearing something as comfortable as my pajamas - FOR REAL!

Visit their site and then follow them on Insta and Facebook! Not only are their clothes accessible, but so are they! I've had several questions and they are quick to respond, quick to ship, and frequently update their shop with new arrivals!

This is one #girlboss shopping experience you DON'T want to pass up!! 

#Girlboss Summer Edition: Part THREE

Y'all! Meet my good friend Chassidy Vissering! She, too, is one phenomenal teacher, but - oh so much more!

She not only created my #girlboss tshirts that I gifted to my first set of ladies, but she is the one who makes ALL of our Wildernest Wear - tshirts, caps, and koozies so far.

If you're a local or a guest of the B&B and you've caught a glimpse of Mike around town, then I guarantee you've seen our shirts! They are pretty much his daily uniform! We both love her designs for their durability, creativity, and complete uniqueness. She created our B&B logo - which we are OBSESSED with - and she can create whatever YOU may like as well, whether it be unique like ours or something you've seen elsewhere and want for yourself.

Her talents aren't limited to just tshirts though! She also creates some truly amazing signs. Since I am a total sign-aholic, a couple of these will be my next purchase from Chassidy! So go follow her Insta @craftychassidy and her FB Crafty Chassidy's. She's the BEST!!

PW - Welcome to my frontier!

Ree Drummond may very well be my favorite #girlboss ever! I have to say, finally visiting Pawhuska after a decade of reading her blog and of watching her cooking show on Food Network these past several years, I was dubious as to whether or not all the hype would live up to my enormous expectations.

Well, um...it did.

Her show's catch phrase is "Welcome to my frontier!"

We definitely felt welcome!

Now, more than ever, I am in awe of what this seemingly simple Oklahoma-living, kid-raising, Marlboro Man-loving cook, wife, mom, and business owner has accomplished with such grace, poise, and low-key fanfare.  You walk in The Mercantile (otherwise known as The Merc) and instantly feel as though you've stepped into the home of a very close friend. From the gift wrap counter, to the colorfully displayed shelves of dishes, novelties, and linens, to the friendly sales clerks dressed in sharp, black button-down shirts with strands of PW's signature turquoise beads - it all bathes you in a warm, fuzzy feeling of belonging, of truly being a part of her frontier.

Mom and I both picked up this first issue of her new magazine. Y'all. You NEED to stop by your local Walmart (this is so not a Walmart plug as much as it is pure endorsement on the part of PW!) and pick up your own copy. It has been a very long time since I have read a magazine from cover to cover, but that is exactly what I did with this one! The articles are relevant, the editorials are heart-felt, and the pictures are just pure Americana. And in today's climate - who doesn't need a bit of THIS in their life?

Just this weekend my niece referred to me as a "fan girl," and I guess - even though I am a full grown, soon-to-be 50 year old, I am indeed a fan girl. There is something to be respected about a person with a dream that is totally centered around her family, her principles, and her desire to leave a positive imprint on the world around her that completely inspires me.

Maybe - from one transplanted gal to another - there is something about her that further encourages me to press further on my passion here at the B&B. To take heart that great things take great time to create, to nourish, and then to flourish.

The belief that these things are worth the time, the effort, the worry, and the sweat.

To know that in my own small, small way I love to say to others, "Welcome to MY frontier!"

#Girlboss: Summer Edition: Part T W O

Today is the second installment of the Summer Edition of the #girlboss collection! I am so excited to introduce you to my good friend, Heather Sears! Not only is Heather a FANTASTIC math teacher (voted Secondary Teacher of the Year for her district) but - more importantly - she is mother to three beautiful children (two of which I was honored to teach), and wife to husband, Kary.

Heather is a magnificent girl boss because of her passion for healthy skin care...meaning skin care that IS healthy and not toxic like so many other product lines on the market today. She operates @beautycounter_heather and is just a text or email away from answering any of your skin care questions or issues.

I first started trying out Beauty Counter products when Peyton (her middle) was my student a couple of years ago. Pey gifted me with some hand lotion that I STILL am obsessed with, as well as a sampling of the skin care line. In a matter of a couple of weeks I saw a drastic improvement in my skin - both in radiance and in health. I began to slowly add to these samples and now I use the daily skin care line, as well as a twice monthly mask, lip balm, and a delicious-smelling sugar body scrub!

It's ALL GOOD, y'all!

Heather settled on Beauty Counter products after trying MANY and realizing that this line was the best, healthy choice for her fair-complected, sensitive-skinned family. In her own words, " I want better for my family...for your family...for every family. We all deserve better! We deserve safe! I enjoy sharing these amazing products with everyone!"

If you're like me, and you've always been on the unending search for skin care products that truly impact they way you feel and the way you look, please click on her Insta @beautycounter_heather or look her up on Facebook! She'll be MORE than happy to help you out!

#Girlboss: Summer Edition - Part O N E

It's my honor to introduce you to Kirsty Briscoe! She is a courageous, mindful single mom of two of the CUTEST toddlers around!

I first met Kirsty when I was doing my student teaching internship at Commerce High School in 2010. She was the current Family and Consumer Sciences teacher, and her magnetic personality and sincerely warm heart drew me in instantly. She was BEYOND gracious in inviting me to sit with their group at lunch and always made sure I felt included, even though I was a "student" teacher and definitely old enough to be her mother!

Kirsty has the biggest heart imaginable and is passionate about good health through good nutrition and self-care. I've watched her walk this path long enough to know it's not a passing fancy or merely an interest. She has diligently walked this path for many years now and to see the difference it's make to the quality of her life is awe-inspiring, to say the least.

A few years ago, she branched out with her own company, Paleo Folks, making wonderfully tasting, nutritionally balanced cake, muffin, and pancake mixes that are gluten-free and Paleo friendly. It was a major milestone when she was picked up by Whole Foods stores and her "baby" began to be regularly stocked at this major chain of quality food stores.

I reached out to Kirsty a few months ago to ask for her nutritional help as I navigate this new phase of life (otherwise known as ....shhhh.....menopause). She is ultra knowledgeable about finding balance, not only in your diet, but also in your routine, your mind, and your soul. Using Biblical principles and wisdom beyond her years, Kirsty can not only introduce you to her amazing "treat" mixes found on Whole Foods shelves, but she can also guide you on how to "tweak" your own diet. She doesn't believe in "cheat" days; instead, she refers to those times as "flexing off plan." It's all about balance!

I love this girl to pieces! Not only has she shown me how to make minor changes that have made a MAJOR impact on my hormone balance, but she's also introduced me to many Paleo recipes that are nutritionally sound, amazingly delicious, and good for the entire family!

Please join me in celebrating this amazing #girlboss! Visit her website (above) and then follow her on Insta @kirstybriscoe, her company's Insta @paleo_folks and on Facebook. You will love her every bit as much as I do!