Do two negatives REALLY make a positive?

I saw today where someone posted "If two wrongs don't make a right, then how come two negatives make a positive?" In math and science, this may be true, but - when it comes to people - I can promise you only one thing:

If you put two negative people together for any length of time, I am POSITIVE the outcome will be negative!

We know that snap judgments are bad for the world at large, but people rarely discuss how destructive being judgmental is for the person who is doing it. Women are the WORST at this! No joke, being judgmental of other women causes us to live in hateful chaos, and we have to consciously rise above it if we ever hope to live peacefully in our bodies.

Just to be clear: I don’t think you should judge anyone. But women tend to judge other women the harshest, and our bodies, outfits, and appearances get hit the most consistently and aggressively, because they’re easily accessible. I know some people call this on-going judgment of other women a “guilty pleasure,” because it gives you a private little hit of satisfaction. When you sum up another woman in a split second, and find something wrong with her, you get to enjoy a momentary jolt of superiority.

The problem is that every time you look at another woman and find something wrong with her based on her body, looks, or anything else, you reinforce for yourself the idea that there is a universal “right” and “wrong” way for a woman to have a body, look, live, act, dress, or otherwise. You solidify imaginary rules in your mind for what is “acceptable” and and what is “unacceptable.” You may momentarily feel superior, but when repeated over and over again in countless scenarios for a lifetime, you will also eventually feel very alone, isolated, and anxious. Being hyper-aware of the countless (self-imposed) ways in which you could fail at being a woman encourages you to take fewer risks, keep your true self better hidden, trust fewer people, and constantly guard yourself against the endless imminent threats of how you could be “doing it wrong.”

Not only does your habit of judging other women shrink your life down into an ongoing list of do’s and don’ts, but keeping company with that nasty little voice in your head 24/7 makes you, understandably, kind of paranoid and defensive.

It’s like how you always end up feeling really crappy about yourself after you spend time with that one friend who gossips about all your other friends. She might claim you’re exempt from her mean gossip, but you can’t help but wonder what she says about you when you’re not there. This endless, cluttered, negative ocean of fear and judgment clouds your mind and poisons your heart. It make you feel insecure, stressed, unhappy, anxious, paranoid, obsessive, and completely unable to let go and be present. With that as your baseline, it becomes near impossible to look at yourself, or your body, and say “Yup, this is perfect.”

The remedy?

Walk (no, RUN!) away from the negative influences in your life. It's easy to say that we may be able to "help them be more positive" if we keep hold of our own positive outlook and views on things. And it probably is possible, in small doses. The reality though is that most chronically negative people pretty much enjoy right where they are. Walk away from these and surround yourself with folks who "get" you. It doesn't mean they agree with your every thought. They may not get behind all of your big ideas, and they may even find it necessary to tell you why at times. The difference is they do it all in love. There is no question that they have YOU and YOUR best interests at heart with every word, every action.

Those people are harder to find than the negative ones, but they're out there. Find them, surround yourself with them, and love them right back. 

Two positives ALWAYS create a positive! 

Everything you need to know about life, you can learn from chickens.

• Communication is the key to a healthy relationship

Chickens really are the great communicators. As someone who is  married, in a career, and very involved with family and friends, I know that communication is key to any good relationship. Chickens know this, too, and they have a very sophisticated  - yet simple - communication system. Who knew they had so many different "calls?" They encourage one another, scold one another, and warn one another - it all depends on the situation they are facing. Looks like calling someone a “chicken” actually means they are pretty brave!

•  Relax and enjoy the sunshine

Just like many of us, chickens love to soak up the sunshine. Our hens will dig little holes in the dirt and flick dirt up onto themselves in a dust bath. Dust baths and sunbathing actually have many health benefits for chickens: the dust baths prevent parasites and the sunbathing is thought to stimulate hens’ metabolisms, along with providing other health benefits. After observing this in my chickens, I feel much less guilt when I indulge in back deck time! It's healthy, and those few moments - however brief - can go a long way in rejuvenating a weary soul.

• Surround yourself with only good people

In spite of what a lot of people think, chickens do like people. Certain people. People who treat them with kindness. People who talk to them. People who bring them food. Sound familiar? They will flock with great excitement to the gate of their yard when they see us. They know the routine. We are dependable. We have a routine. We show up. It's a constant reminder to me to show up for the folks in my life, whether they be my love, my family, my students, or friends. Show up. Be present. Be dependable.

• Be loud and proud about your achievements

Kids love to announce their accomplishments. I typed in 'brag' at first but brag tends to have a negative connotation these days and what kids do is anything but negative. They are proud of the award they won, they are excited about the good grade they worked so hard for and didn't expect, they are delighted when they learn a new skill. And they should be.

But somewhere along the line on the way to being mature, responsible adults we begin to downplay our accomplishments instead of sing them. It's like we've been taught that it's not proper or in good manners to talk about ourselves. 

Have you ever been around a hen during and after she's laid an egg? Let me tell you, it's a par-tay! That doesn't mean that the other hens stop whatever it is they are doing and join her celebration. Instead she spends a few minutes rejoicing and then she goes back to her life and to her co-existence with the others in her flock. Lesson learned. It's okay to take a moment and bask in those hard-earned accomplishments. But don't set up camp there. Take it in and then move on to the next thing. 

• Come home to roost.

Chickens like adventure. They like to peck, wander, and explore. They like to leave their yard and mosey into the neighboring wooded area, foraging as they go. Very rarely do they wander alone; the are really good at the buddy system. But no matter where they are, they come home for the important things. They go to their nesting box to lay and they come home to their coop at night. 

It's a family thing and a safety thing, two of which we can learn from. Family is where it is, and - at the heart of family - is your safe place. It's where people love you even when they don't like you in the moment, it's the spot where you're built up after being torn down during your day, and it's the sanctuary of your heart. It's where you lay down your worries, cares, disappointments, as well as display your triumphs, your dreams, and your wins. 

"She closes her eyes, through her hero's demise. Holds on to her hope beyond the sky. 

She take a breath, weight comes off her chest. She finds a way to weather through the storm.

She cries out, "Home! I need me some home. Oh, I need me some home.""

#Girlboss Summer Edition: Part THREE

Y'all! Meet my good friend Chassidy Vissering! She, too, is one phenomenal teacher, but - oh so much more!

She not only created my #girlboss tshirts that I gifted to my first set of ladies, but she is the one who makes ALL of our Wildernest Wear - tshirts, caps, and koozies so far.

If you're a local or a guest of the B&B and you've caught a glimpse of Mike around town, then I guarantee you've seen our shirts! They are pretty much his daily uniform! We both love her designs for their durability, creativity, and complete uniqueness. She created our B&B logo - which we are OBSESSED with - and she can create whatever YOU may like as well, whether it be unique like ours or something you've seen elsewhere and want for yourself.

Her talents aren't limited to just tshirts though! She also creates some truly amazing signs. Since I am a total sign-aholic, a couple of these will be my next purchase from Chassidy! So go follow her Insta @craftychassidy and her FB Crafty Chassidy's. She's the BEST!!

He is ours.

Several weeks ago I led a local PD workshop in my district. It was titled "Disciplines Can Keep YOU Out of Trouble," meaning that when you can handle discipline in your own classroom instead of continuously sending students to the office or to ISS, then you control more of the climate in your classroom. It makes for a better learning environment for the students and a much healthier teaching environment for YOU.

During these few hours that we spent together, this group of teachers and I shared stories that have impacted us as teachers, as well as human beings. We talked of reaching those we had all but written off, of building relationships with students who made it clear they wanted anything BUT that, and of loving those that everyone else had labeled "unlovable."

A few days later my good friend sent me this article. By the time I had finished reading it I was in tears. I then shared it with Mike and - once again - I teared up as I read it aloud. It was a clear reminder of how important every single student is, whether or not they are approachable or even lovable.

Every. Single. Student.

Teaching these days gets a fairly bad rap. Mainly because the focus has been taken off of the actual act of teaching and instead placed on the governmental controls, standardized testing, and the impossible and unending list of extra "things" that a teacher is often taxed with.

The reality is that the REAL teachers, the ones who view it as a calling instead of a job, are in the classroom every day, doing the only thing we know to do - TEACHING. ENCOURAGING. REDIRECTING. TEACHING. LOVING. REACHING. TEACHING.

Sometimes it is like hugging a porcupine.

It is always worth it.

He is OURS.

THEY are ours.

PW - Welcome to my frontier!

Ree Drummond may very well be my favorite #girlboss ever! I have to say, finally visiting Pawhuska after a decade of reading her blog and of watching her cooking show on Food Network these past several years, I was dubious as to whether or not all the hype would live up to my enormous expectations.

Well, um...it did.

Her show's catch phrase is "Welcome to my frontier!"

We definitely felt welcome!

Now, more than ever, I am in awe of what this seemingly simple Oklahoma-living, kid-raising, Marlboro Man-loving cook, wife, mom, and business owner has accomplished with such grace, poise, and low-key fanfare.  You walk in The Mercantile (otherwise known as The Merc) and instantly feel as though you've stepped into the home of a very close friend. From the gift wrap counter, to the colorfully displayed shelves of dishes, novelties, and linens, to the friendly sales clerks dressed in sharp, black button-down shirts with strands of PW's signature turquoise beads - it all bathes you in a warm, fuzzy feeling of belonging, of truly being a part of her frontier.

Mom and I both picked up this first issue of her new magazine. Y'all. You NEED to stop by your local Walmart (this is so not a Walmart plug as much as it is pure endorsement on the part of PW!) and pick up your own copy. It has been a very long time since I have read a magazine from cover to cover, but that is exactly what I did with this one! The articles are relevant, the editorials are heart-felt, and the pictures are just pure Americana. And in today's climate - who doesn't need a bit of THIS in their life?

Just this weekend my niece referred to me as a "fan girl," and I guess - even though I am a full grown, soon-to-be 50 year old, I am indeed a fan girl. There is something to be respected about a person with a dream that is totally centered around her family, her principles, and her desire to leave a positive imprint on the world around her that completely inspires me.

Maybe - from one transplanted gal to another - there is something about her that further encourages me to press further on my passion here at the B&B. To take heart that great things take great time to create, to nourish, and then to flourish.

The belief that these things are worth the time, the effort, the worry, and the sweat.

To know that in my own small, small way I love to say to others, "Welcome to MY frontier!"

#Girlboss: Summer Edition: Part T W O

Today is the second installment of the Summer Edition of the #girlboss collection! I am so excited to introduce you to my good friend, Heather Sears! Not only is Heather a FANTASTIC math teacher (voted Secondary Teacher of the Year for her district) but - more importantly - she is mother to three beautiful children (two of which I was honored to teach), and wife to husband, Kary.

Heather is a magnificent girl boss because of her passion for healthy skin care...meaning skin care that IS healthy and not toxic like so many other product lines on the market today. She operates @beautycounter_heather and is just a text or email away from answering any of your skin care questions or issues.

I first started trying out Beauty Counter products when Peyton (her middle) was my student a couple of years ago. Pey gifted me with some hand lotion that I STILL am obsessed with, as well as a sampling of the skin care line. In a matter of a couple of weeks I saw a drastic improvement in my skin - both in radiance and in health. I began to slowly add to these samples and now I use the daily skin care line, as well as a twice monthly mask, lip balm, and a delicious-smelling sugar body scrub!

It's ALL GOOD, y'all!

Heather settled on Beauty Counter products after trying MANY and realizing that this line was the best, healthy choice for her fair-complected, sensitive-skinned family. In her own words, " I want better for my family...for your family...for every family. We all deserve better! We deserve safe! I enjoy sharing these amazing products with everyone!"

If you're like me, and you've always been on the unending search for skin care products that truly impact they way you feel and the way you look, please click on her Insta @beautycounter_heather or look her up on Facebook! She'll be MORE than happy to help you out!

In the morning, when I rise...

“This place where you are right now, God circled on a map for you.” 

Is this not the best thing ever?

That wherever I go I have the assurance that God has gone before me, paving the way for my time there. Way too often I get caught up in the busyness that is life - work, marriage, kids, mortgages, my students, the B&B...The reality is that - if I chose to - I could stay busy every single second and miss the bliss that comes from being in this very moment.

I'm a planner at heart. By nature, I just can't NOT plan. Menus, to-do lists, lessons, steps or phases to take our business to the next level. While planning is important in life, the very act of planning everything so precisely is that sometimes my thoughts are focused on the future, on things and places and people that have not yet been manifested in my life.

It's when I realize I am in "over-planning" mode, that I do my best to stop, breathe, and take in this spot where I am right now. It may be a spot of joy, maybe a little bit of a hard place, or maybe even just a place of silence where there is not a lot of activity going on. In each of these times, I need to embrace the now, the blessings and the lessons that are in this space. They are for me, from my Father.

I have this sign hanging in our master bath and try to focus on it each morning as I brush my teeth. Some days I forget. But almost always when I breathe in these words, my mind becomes clear, my focus is sure, and I know that I will be fine in this new day.

Because He has already gone before me.

Home is where the heart is.

There's that saying, "Home is where the heart is." On this lazy, rainy Sunday afternoon, it's easy to absorb the meaning of this. Our youngest grandson is napping in my bed, alongside Thoreau - our eldest pooch, and my sweet husband and our youngest pup, Bronte, are napping in the living room. I find myself in the middle of them all, tucked away in our office, lit only by a lamp as I drink in, both, the sweetness of the day as well as the quietness that I've always used to refuel my soul.

Sundays are perfect for that: refueling. Whether it's our soul, our kitchens for the week ahead, or our to do lists to help keep us organized before we hit the ground running on Monday mornings. Today, though, this thought is uppermost in my heart: if home is where the heart is, I hope my God feels pleased to call my heart his home on every day. It needs to be inviting, serving, generous, kind, warm, and comforting, and full of peace, joy, and love.

It doesn't mean that everything is always in perfect order, just a place He recognizes and knows that it is pure and following Him. It might be messy and all over the place but cultivate freedom, sometimes leaky but full of joy, at times distressed but always marked by stories.

Imperfect but inviting.

I often find myself eagerly {at times not so eagerly} scrambling to clean and prepare our own home for guests. As I age, I want this cleanliness MORE, but am willing to put in the TIME less, and yet I am WILLING, all because it signals that very soon we'll be in the midst of friends or family, there will be laughter, there will be warmth, there will be stories, good food, the closeness that comes from our treasured relationships.

When put in that light, there is no task too big or too troublesome to undertake if it makes that evening, that occasion, even more special.

How much more should I maintain my heart, ensuring that it always has the welcome mat out for the One who gave me life, who continues to rain blessing after blessing upon my life? While I strive here in my home to have a good-smelling candle burning and lots of things around that are pleasing to the eye and add creature comfort, I know these are not the same things He looks for in me.

He wants me to be hospitable, but is probably much more concerned with my hospitality to Him.

It's in moments like these, the quiet ones, when I sit and sift through the things cluttering my heart. Cleaning house isn't always fun, nor do we always want to take the time to pursue it, but...that feeling you get when it's all done - when you can sit back in those last few moments before your guests arrive and know...JUST KNOW...that what is to come is going to be memorable and possibly even life-changing.

Here's to heart-cleaning...

Until next time...

XXOO
Staci